Feelings are a reflection of values, so reflect on what you absolute love or hate, and then work backwards from there. I often get my patients to make a list of all the things that they react to, the good and the bad. It can be very revealing about their values.
If we hate unfairness or conflict, and love to be nice and fair, then fairness, justice and beauty might be some of our values.
If we hate routine and often seek new things including new cars, new toys, or new experiences, then fun and novelty might be on our list.
If we really hate incompetence and love effectiveness, then we may include excellence and efficiency.
If we hate being micromanaged and love autonomy, then we consider freedom and independence.
If a value is “core” for us, then it will show up in multiple aspects of our lives, and not just one situation.
When we mention or reflect on a particular core value, watch for “resonance”. If it doesn’t resonate, then it’s probably not a strong value of ours. If it resonates deeply, then it probably is.
Once we have more clarity, we can use these values as our “inner compass”, to live a life more congruent with our values and who we are.
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