How do we shift from our “not good enough” story

As Family Doctors, one of the most common “unhelpful” or “limiting beliefs” we encounter in our patients, is that “I am not good enough” belief or story.

Of course that belief is useful in some context where it can motivate us to learn, grow, and keep us humble, but when excessive and generalized, it can create lot of emotional and relational issues.

Recognizing that belief, detaching and defusing from that belief, and learning to see our life through a different set of lens/filters, can be literally life changing.

So how can we shift that?

There’s probably many paths to get there, but ultimately, we can work towards “self as context” rather than “self as content” as defined by Acceptance Commitment Therapy (ACT).

If our life story was made into a movie, then “self as content” would be identifying self through the eyes of the main actor/actress, rather than through the eyes of the movie director/script writer. So “self as context” is identifying self as the director/script writer. Naturally, through the eyes of the director and script writer, it will be much easier to create a life story that we want.

It will take time and patience. We can work on self understanding, clarity around our values and the life we want to create, emotional literacy, self awareness, mindfulness, being present, defusion, acceptance, self compassion, and more observation of our thoughts, beliefs and “filters”.  Strategies from Cognitive Behavioural Therapy(CBT) and Acceptance Commitment Therapy(ACT), will cover most of these. 

Many folks we work with, still see their self worth predominantly through the lens/filters of their achievements, looks, their approval of others, and their helpfulness to others for example. These are of course great for motivation, including “doing good” for society, but if excessive or not balanced, it can lead to vulnerabilities, and a lot of emotional and relational problems. In counseling, we explore other lenses/filters around self worth too, including authenticity, being who we are, and growth.

It’s sounds relatively simple, but it’s definitely not easy. It will require time, patience, and the commitment to shift.