How do we measure our self worth?

I often ask patients to do the following exercise as homework. 

Finish off these sentences for me....

1. I feel significant or adequate when .....
2. I feel insignificant or inadequate when .....
3. I am significant or adequate because .....

The common answers to the first question are....

When I achieve.
When I can be of service to others.
When others accept me.

The common answers to the second question are....

When I fail.
When I can’t help others.
When others reject or dislike me.

The common response to the third question is....

“I am not too sure”. They often struggle with this one for some reason.

It’s no wonder why so many of us have emotional vulnerability. Self esteem purely based on achievements, being of service to others, and how others feel about us, can be very fleeting and unstable.

Consider finding multiple ways of measuring our self worth, including values like kindness, authenticity, simply being who we are, growth focused, loyalty, curiosity, responsibility, hardworking which are less dependent on achievements, popularity, or other people’s opinions.

Once we feel significant, adequate or “enough”, it’s a great foundation from which we can face life’s many challenges.

Maybe you should try to answer those questions too.....