Perfectionism, self criticism, and fear of failure

In counseling, it’s very common for us to see folks with these 3 traits and often together. 

1 Have “unrelenting standards” 

2 Self critical and self punitive

3 Fear of failure. 

This is of course a perfect “storm” for stress.  This is the triad for perfectionism.  We have such high standards that we cannot reach.  We then criticize self, blame self, and avoid failures due to our fear of failure. Hence, we cannot achieve. It’s a vicious cycle. 

If we can change self criticism to self reflection/self compassion, along with defusing/changing our beliefs around failures, then we can still have our high standards and succeed. 

The good news is, these skills of self compassion and changing our perception around failures, can be learnt.