So why is relationship skills so important in the management of depression and anxiety?
Relationship conflict is a common source of stress for everyone including people with depression and anxiety and hence, part of the management of depression and anxiety is to work on the understanding of relationship conflicts, and how to resolve it through conflict resolution.
How does one do this?
First of all, I would like to raise awareness about the "natural history" of a relationship. When two people from a different background, different family culture, different past, and different values come together, it is not difficult to predict that there is going to be conflict.
When there is conflict, three possible outcome can eventuate.
- If the two people value their relationship enough and have the skills to resolve their conflict, then conflict resolution will occur and their relationship will grow and become stronger.
- If the two people do not value their relationship enough and combined with the lack of skills in conflict resolution, then this will lead to a separation.
- If the two people value their relationship enough but do not have the skills to resolve their conflict, they may avoid the conflict and "sweep it under the bed" so to speak. The problem with this strategy is that at some point, the value of the relationship goes down, and the conflict/baggage in the relationship rises to the point where the "value" is less than the "pain". At this point, the two people will be forced to resolve their conflict or to separate.
To succeed in one's relationship, one must align goals, connect when disconnected, and resolve one's conflict rather than avoid or blame. Of course, this is not easy but it is a skill that can be learnt. I encourage all sufferers who have relationship difficulties to consider seeing a good relationship counsellor or a psychologist to work through their relationship issues.
In Australia, you can also contact Relationship Australia and see if they can help you.
